i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
