We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
