hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize