Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
