my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
