rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
