you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
