im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
