Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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