In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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