You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize