We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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