if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
