HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
