I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
