pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize