You can't motorboat a personality
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
