Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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