I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
