If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
