when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
