Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize