dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think my vagina is haunted
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
