I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
