take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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