smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
