I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
PANTIES FOUND
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
