I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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