I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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