grandma shit on top of the toilet
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
