turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
