I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
