What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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