just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Send help, water and tortillas.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize