You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
