Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
