Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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