im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
