Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
