update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
two words...techno handjob
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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