if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize