But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
