i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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