So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
