Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
