all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
should my penis look like a turkey
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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