i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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