even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize