I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
