Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
