Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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