i was born a porn star she said
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
