I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
