I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
