I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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