dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm passing your future prison.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
