wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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