his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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