He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
