I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
