This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
