I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
false alarm, still single
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
