Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
