I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize