Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
