I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I miss vodka workout Fridays
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
