Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
