Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
