i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
