This is not my ceiling
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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