I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
