What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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