dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
