this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
