You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
