I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
