when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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