We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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