The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
