went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
