What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
