I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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