This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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