So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
