i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
