hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Randomize
