Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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