the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
