Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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