k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
