are you still at the devil's house?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
