So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
