in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize