hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
