her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
