$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
