do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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