it was like eating out sand paper
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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