so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
