He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
