im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
