yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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