I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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