I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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