He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
