It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
