Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
