Where did you get a picture of my penis
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize