Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
